I signed off of Facebook but kept my IG and Tumblr. I decided that I would revisit the world of Blogger. This is mainly for myself ... a way for me to journal digitally. So while I decided that my FB account would get a break, I am now being surrounded with IG posts of happiness; folks that feel the need to share other people's FB posts and real life announcements.
I had dreams of having the ring, a big wedding, a house and a couple of kids. But now as I approach year 40 I continue to be saddened by the direction my life has taken. I have made choices, or lack thereof, that have obviously led me to where I am.
Sometimes I wish I held out for a ring and a actual wedding. A wedding where my father walked me down the aisle. A wedding were my family danced.
I wish I was more diligent in college and then I would be further in my career than where I am now ... stuck indefinitely as a hospital secretary.
I have reproductive issues that I have not been diligent with and now that I am older, having my own children aren't in the cards.
I can probably sit here and be sad about it but it isn't going to change a thing. However, I can't lie and say that I am not affected. My heart is constantly heavy with sadness. A sadness I can't seem to shake. I am praying for peace ... I don't want to feel bitterness towards anyone experiencing their well deserved happiness ... but it's there and it's heavy.
